just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
