Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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