i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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