That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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