He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize