I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
