I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
