So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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