Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
