i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
