This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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