He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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