I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
