I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
