Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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