Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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