Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
