So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
