That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
