I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
