I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
