I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
