Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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