somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
