Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
