I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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