Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
