she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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