Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
