Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
