Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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