I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
