he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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