3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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