When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
