nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
