You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
