Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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