why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
