Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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