so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
