Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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