i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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