i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
