soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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