laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
