My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
