I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
