my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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