Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
