I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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