The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
