roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize