So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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