whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
