as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
